Bert is Evil!
Monolith from Easter Island
A monolith found on the edge of Easter Island known to the natives as "The One that Devours" or "The Evil One" has been found to have an uncanny resemblance to Bert, This image was sent in by Wout O Matic. He allegedly took the image during his last holiday. This photo is further proof of Bert's evil dating back to the dawn of civilization.

 


 

Bert is Evil!
Bert and the KKK
It has long been rumored that Bert was part of the Ku Klux Klan. Latest evidence show that he IS part of the Klan, but more surprisingly, some evidence points to the possibility that he is a founding member.
The Klan's pointed cowl was actually patterned after Bert's head.
In these photographs, Bert is seen at the burning of the crosses ritual.
 


The Michael Jackson Connection
The Root of MJ's Evil
Our investigators recently uncovered this old photograph of young Michael Jackson standing with Bert who is fondling his pelvic area. It is now clear where Michael Jackson's pedophilia stems from. Bert molested him as a child. He is only releasing frustrations and fears that have welled inside his mind for years.

In an interview with ex-wife Lisa Marie Presley, she confessed to us that Michael used to make her "Do the Pigeon" naked while he sat across the room and watched.

We tried to interview the "King of Pop" about this but all he could say was "I am a gentleman."

Bert is Evil!
OJ Simpson
Information and Photos
sent in by
Victor J. Zuylen
( FBI Talking Socks Investigations )
 

  
 

Dear Sir,

Enclosed you will find a couple of snapshots of Bertconspiring with that infamous ex-football player, ex-moviestar, ex-husband and axe-murderer, O.J. Simpson. It's a well-kept secret that Bert was actually part of O.J.'s defense team during the first trial, and was also the only person in whom O.J. fully confided. Interestingly enough, photograph no. 2 was taken exactly ten minutes before the murders took place. (Also, did you know that yellow lint was found at the crime scene? It's true! It was exhibit no. 156a during the first trial).

I know I am putting you and myself at risk for giving you all this infor mation, but the truth must not be stopped. What are a few casualties for the good of man and muppetkind? Use this information well, and good luck.

respectfully,
Victor J. Zuylen


Bert is Evil!
The Lost Segment from the Pamela Lee Honeymoon Video

During the honeymoon of Pamela and Tommy Lee, the couple went off to the desert to film themselves in a torrid orgy with Bert, (an old drug buddy of Tommy).
It was actually Bert who stole the tape and distributed copies of it. Bert edited out the segments that showed him in the video to avoid his incrimination. Tommy and Pamela continue to deny their association with the muppet due to the fear that he might hurt them.

 

Bert is Evil!
The Dennis Rodman Connection

Though it has been long speculated that Dennis Rodman and Bert were old friends, no proof has validated this claim till this recent photograph. It is assumed that Rodman's "evil as I wanna be" attitude can be attributed to his relations to the muppet. Bert has also been caught dressed in drag at Hooper's Store late at night.

 
 
 THAT'S IT FOLKS !
 
 

Click here to goto main Page.

Click here to go back to Daniel's Home Page

Send all compliments, critiques of appraisal, and just general sucking up, to:

Dr SaL        or        Simon Anderson.

Take your pick.

Send all complaints, etc. to:

Someone who cares.